The alien.

I don't think I will ever fit into this skin
I can't promise I will always let you in
I don't have the guts to tear down this wall
I don't really feel I have to at all

I guess I'll always be the outsider
The one trapped between him and her
The one caught between lust and prudence
The one known as intelligence and dunce

These humans are all the same
Despite each playing a different game
I don't think I will ever fit in
I'm too lost and confused in this skin

Evermore do the questions keep churning
All alone in the answers I'm burning
Caught inside of a downward spiral
The world in hopes that it goes viral

Nothing I hold is sacred anymore
I am scared, running bare, nothing more
While my insides label me a whore
The other half contesting, "this's what life's for"

My heart's bruised and always in pain
From a time I've lived over again
Can't you see that you're not the remedy
In the end it's not you, it's just me

And we bicker and bark to be right
Won't stand down until one wins the fight
Here we are in the wake of romance
Together on separate hills, battle-stance

God, I love you but I'm so far gone
Nothing's left but the part that is wrong
All I am is an uncomfortable soul
Crying out for an ounce of control

Who am I and which way is okay?
Why the fuck am I lost everyday?
Why can I not sit comfortably,
In a world thrashing 'round like an angry sea?

Little spaceship come take me away
On a zephyr to another day
Where the sun makes some sense as it sets
Where my mind can for once take a breath

Where I step and I totally feel
Like I'm fine and I am actually real
Where I can stand in a skin and feel free
In a life where I'm finally me.

Immunization.

For the moment I am ill
From how the world makes me feel
Can't you see how green my skin has turned?

And I'd love to say a kiss
Is the antidote for this
But my heart is greatly bruised and burned.

I am waiting for the day
When the hurt will fly away
I will bury it far from my resting place.

My heart will be at peace
My lips give their release
The sin will no longer be inscribed on my face.

But when will that day come,
The hour, long from done
The hurt of my heart on-beating everday.

I wish that I could end it
My insides safe, defended
But this motion has me thrown in every way.

My Shangrila's penetrated
By the void that I've most hated
And the voices will not seem to dissipate.

Supple glitters glisten
Open mouths silent, listen
To the fireworks blowing steam while they congregate.

All the plane's a playground
Spinning your mind around
But I'm too sick inside to participate.

In this cage I'll stay in
Locked inside and wishing
For the day I'm healed - won't that be great?

Then I won't be a stranger
Immune to all of the danger
Immune to all the hurt the fun kicks in.

Dance in time and watching
Like everyone else is stalking
Immune and relieved that I'm, too, dead within.

The one who got away.

I wrote poetry because of you.
I write poetry because of you.
In pain and love, hearts torn in four;
And past the plains of time itself,
However far, the nights implore
Of a time of just us two.

Another life, another time.
I could not understand the rhyme.
Though paths were crossed and then unwind,
Until the world is now between us.
Life has come now between us.

And every day I never dwell
Until the whisper of the past
Fleets softly by my wandering ear
Until I feel familiar caress
Of a time that I once knew;
A time when there was me and you.

And then my heart flutters in pain
Until I forget it all again.
A memory now just long since past
In the shape of bruises, maimed to last.

Paper dolls.

Stationary paper dolls
You loved the climb, enjoy the fall
Here we stand all thin in fear
Torn the edges, hang on dear
The breeze, she blows so bitter strong
It could not have lasted very long.

It could not have lasted very long
With a foundation paper-strong.

Origami's fit to please
Every fold a bitter tease
Slight of hand and poof! it's gone
On written page a solemn song
We write and think, color and draw
In hopes to spin gold from the straw

In hopes to spin gold from the straw
Yet all we have are paper dolls -
Stationary paper dolls.

Memento mori.

Random bruises sketch my heart
A drink to you who fell apart
I lift the glass, oh glint and glow
As we drown, our sorrows show

It's okay to crumble
It's okay to part
Just remember every touch
You left across my heart
Just remember everything
That we held from the start.

Random songs that filled my brain
I'm standing here yet not the same
The world evolved, we fell, extinct
With nothing else to do but think

It's okay to move on
It's okay to go
Just remember all we have
Has nothing left to show
Just remember all we had
Is lain where flowers grow.

We held the board: "the end is nigh"
But still enchanted we couldn't die
Draped in black in realized mourning
Tattooed in blood: Memento mori.

It's okay to lie down
It's okay to cry
Just remember all that's born
Is surely meant to die
Just remember you and I
Have shared the deepest cry.

Rest in peace and feel release,
Forever answers Why.

The sink is full again and there's no one to do the dishes.

My brain is racing
And I'm sitting here tasting
All of the nasty
Misleading
Words I've said again.
And you keep on wasting
Away from this place - is
Tainted, and evasive
Is my attitude
Friend.
How can I cure you
When I don't have a cure for myself?
I need help.
Put my life on the shelf
And surmise
The diseases
Find out what pleases
Me - damn, I need Jesus
The devil doth teases
Me, coming nightly
Just get thee behind me.
And daily
I'm strangely
Charmed by the crazies
And I admire their song,
How they bleed,
Carry on
with their dreams.
And I cannot
Fathom to use this blade freely -
I'm a pussy.
And I wish it
Was easy
To take a step back
and observe.
So fucking caught up in the words
Thinking these humans
Will get the desserts
They deserve,
And I'll serve
All that shit on a silver platter,
Enforcing the code
That it all doesn't matter.
But I digress,
Wipe the tears
Off my chest
And absorb all the mess
As one of life's
Many lessons. Just lessen
The hurt and the pain
And confusion and the strain
On my brain
Late at night
When I'm holding you tight
But your dreams
Are far away
On the carbon copy
Of the sway of my hips
On her lips
And the chance
To sneak a peek
At her tits.
It's not cheating! Because
It's all in the mind:
role reversals - let's
Hit it now from behind.
And I'm staring forward
Looking at a reflection
Of me
As I cry into the night
Daydreaming and wondering
Where I'd be
Six feet under ground;
Free as a bird
In a box
Free of thought,
Free of sound.
And the dirt,
It cascades all around.
I'm okay.
I'm just knocking
On forbidden doors.
Tattooed on my chest:
Just a rant, nothing
More.

The Stalker.

You captivate me to tears as you hold me in your iron vice.

I don't know how in all of these years we have never touched,

Until this pocket of a moment extended into an eternity.

Maybe you have always shown it, but I never realized you were there.

When you touch me, I can see you smiling, teeth dazzling in plain view.

I watch your hands encroach the limits of time to embrace the escapers.

And even in unconsciousness, when I am fast asleep in bed,

You linger in, listless, to the dreams that hover in sporadic waves -

There you are, you found me, like a lover that won't let me be.

You whisper of eternity and tuck around me my sheets of black.

Beneath the glow of the moon, a short finger caresses down my cheek.

"You won't know it, now or soon," and you dissipate to visit the next.